"time passes. even when it seems impossible."

so today, i ate a gold rush roll and thought of you.

i wonder why im still holding on. maybe im just stupid. no scratch that, i AM just stupid. oh well its just a phase . i cant wait to get over it. i should probably get to bed STUPID CST'S ! fuck you, highschool.
boys like girls - thunder ♥

THE VISION.

You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible , that God is still in the business of redemption . we're seeing it happen. We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need. People sitting across from a counselor for the first time. People stepping into treatment. in desperate moments, people calling a suicide hotline. we know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take . We want to say here that its worth it , that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change.

The vision is that hope and help would replace secrets and silence.

The vision is people putting down guns and blades and bottles.

The vision is that we can reduce the suicide rate in america and around the world.

The vision is that we would learn what it means to love our friends and that we would love ourselves enough to get the help we need.

The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead.

The vision is the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know.

The vision is hope, and hope is real.

You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story.
hang in there, I believe in you..

THINGS TO LET OUT

this is a waste of my time . i need to realize that i have more important things to deal with than you and your bullshit. everyday, seven takes of the same old scene. everynight, i sit waiting for your call. "im sad. i'm angry. i'm desperate for your voice." waiting for your next excuse for losing sleep again. i decided we weren't going to speak so why are we up 3 AM on the phone? this isn't going anywhere. we're just running around in circles; a never ending shitstorm . honey, you're just all talk and talk and talk and talk. PLEASE lets just knock it off. im done. you're done. lets just stop, drop everything, and walk away. you've got your new friends, welll ive got homies.

but in the end, its still so lonely.

to infinity... AND BEYOND!

today was fun. my hair smells like salt, and strangely i do not mind.

ahhh, hb its been way too long. it was nice seeing you again, be back in the summer




I'M ON THE VERGE OF EXTINCTION. SOS ANYONE ?!?!
hello there, how you doing, ive got all these thoughts just floating through my brain . they bump and they collide and cause a flurry of confusion and it's getting on my nerves. i try to hold myself together, but i cant (sometimes, i do) but this shitstorm's never ending and the atmospheric pressure's calling for rain. this is what i've got going on this, is where i belong tonight.
it's chaos in the courthouse and the left side's all upset because the right side wants a summer home but knows we cant afford it. i try to mediate between this constant tug-of-war machine and wind up in a never ending game of telephone. there's so much going hard and i just need seven minutes to calm myself back down ! .. now i forgot where i was, was it me we were talking about? this is what i feared from the beginning, i keep falling apart.. i can't stand the thought of losing. this is where i run out of words that describe how im so damn hurt. this is where i fumble and fold and take what i'm told.
wait, what's going on? is this where i belong?

ill be okay, is that what you want me to say?

its called breakup, cause its broken

WEDNESDAY OF SPRING BREAK

wtfffffff? wednesday already? chiberous. i do not want this week to end. two reasons: I HATEHATE HATE HAT EH AaHAte hHATE hate hatE HATE HATE school. so much so much.
&secondly, its gonna be his last week /: DU MA FUCK. i miss him more than i should, it hurts more than its supposed to, and i find myself wishing for the same damn thing all over again. stupid girl, learn from your damn mistakes D:<
WELL ANYWAY, today i went to sharons again and then we went to BCCCCC yes da boiling crab. typical asians. and then we baked a cake for mybabysprinkles<3 kevin is so funny and full of love :D LMAO. omfg. mario kart on wii is fun.
<-- SI LMAO. i suckat it however. the best i got was fourth place out of .. o.o um. 12! fourth out of twelve. PUTA. so i walked past excelsior today. )': ah, elementary school those were the days. NAP TIME you never know what youve got til its gone. remember when youd make these cutelittle mailboxes on valentines day? and everyone would walk around and drop those drug storebought valentines? wtf so cute. i miss that. shiiiet. well anyways im off to sleep, big day tomorrow !

WE THINKS YOU DESERVE A THUMBS UP

rewind to last year

so today made me realize that i am wasting my time. wasting my time worrying about people i shouldnt even bother looking at, wasting my time kickin it with the wrong crowd, trusting the wrong people, leading the wrong life. I MISS THE WAY THINGS WERE LAST SPRING BREAK. when all that mattered was HAKT. back when we did whatever the hell we felt like doing, when there were no routines, we just kicked it and that was that. we didnt have a care in the world ..
stupid highschool, ruined everything .


k im gonna reminisce. LOL back when me and anthony would fight over the fucken bed"BITCH WHY YOU ALL UP IN MY GRILL GIMME SOME OF THAT BLANKET"
and seemingly endless sessions of super smash bros. brawl
and playing hide in seek in the pitch black dark , smashing shit in the process
wandering around for what felt like days and days .
and swimming everyday ! lmao @ anthony kevin and richmonds gay poolsex.
and OUR BEACH TRIPS!! those were pretty kickass.
and sitting on angela's roof
and sleeping in the backyard
when all we ate was pocky and instant ramen
when angela's house was our second home
WHEN KENNY ACTUALLY HAD TIME FOR US.
i hate how everything changed ):
i think today was the closest we'll ever get to "reuniting" . FML

let's go back yeah? VVVV

i <3 failblog

Fuck you, cleaning the fridge. How the hell do you get so dirty? I don't eat in there, I simply store food. What the fuck is that stain on the bottom shelf? Do gnomes have parties in here when I'm at work or something? Nasty little gnomes. And, for some reason, I feel really, really vulnerable when I'm bent over, scrubbing your gross shelves. Don't know why. So thank you for keeping my beer cold, but fuck you for making a mess of it.

Fuck you, paying bills. Every fucking month? Are you kidding me? I barely even watched TV this month, I still gotta shell out all that cash? And, while I'm at it, fuck your pathetic little late fees. They're small enough for me to easily ignore them but they add up over time. So thank you for the electricity, water and internet, but fuck you for your constant demands.

Fuck you, deleting old files from my computer. What man can make this decision? It's like choosing which of my kids to leave behind on the sinking ship. Fuck, this is killing me. I hate my old ass computer.

Fuck you, changing light bulbs. It's 2006, right? I was pissed when I wasn't issued a jetpack in 2000 (where's my fucking raygun?!?), but I figured by now technology would've at least advanced to the point where I don't have to stand on my wobbly chair and deal with this crap. Two bonus fuck yous: for scaring the crap out of me when I walk into a darkened room, innocently flick the switch and get momentarily blinded by that huge flash and terrifying pop! Also, for somehow convincing your lightbulb brethren to join you, causing a chain reaction that means I'm filled with fear whenever I turn on a light. Pop! Pop! Pop! What, did you all join in a suicide pact while I was asleep?
Bastards.

Fuck you, washing dishes. Yes, I know, you smell funny, and I know the longer I wait, the more weird slime stuff is just gonna accumulate on you. That's why I've pretty much switched to just using paper plates (fuck you, environment) and eating with my hands. I'm a caveman in an apartment.

Finally, fuck you, writing this rant.

kay lets see, what happened today..

1: holy shit its the day before spring break
2: i wore my lazy clothing
3: i brought my benchmark pillow with me today (:
4: i had beef ramen for breakfast AGAIN
5: i felt like tying my hair up but i didnt because i didnt want my hair to be in a shitstorm when i felt like taking it down
6: OWUT ITS ALLANS BIRTHDAY (: happy sweet sixteen kiddo
7: we had to do a birthday poem for viet class. i kept laughing -____-
8: the weather was nice at first wtf happened?
9: i rlly hate choir now :/
1o: i dread walking to third period. various reasons too long to explain
11: something smells like mango strawberry right now.
12: im listening to lucky (:
13: i finally looked him in the eye today, for the first time in a week.
14: afterschool was quite chill
15: i poured my heart and soul in a letter to richard LMAOOO. onlynotrlly
16: i got at least an hour and a half of sleep throughout the day (:
17: i met a guy named chris
18: chanel said i looked like a fob >;/ FUCK YOU im thug (:
19: i blasted my music way too loud in algebra.
2o: i think i did pretty damn well on my benchmarks dont you !?
21: anthony/ colby threw his pubes at me ! :'( this isnt over odonis >:O
22: joe did not keep his promise . :(
23: but he hugged me so im ok (:
24: i lost my badminton match
25: kevin bui and i matched clothingwise
26: i was stalking again without realizing it this time >;/
27: had to try very hard to resist the urge to beat someone with a cane (:
28: i am currently awaiting a phone call.
29: i still need to shower ! OH NOS
30: i am going to knotts tomorrow.

O WHAT A DAY
night kids

even though i know you don't want to,
tell me everything.
because, i can take it.
and i want to know what's on your mind.

always.