sunday.

messin around with the cam at konnie's house .

wtfxup

with me lately. seriously. this is a side of me that i don't know .

- being a bitch.
- never smiling, let alone laughing.
- pushing people away.
- not apologizing.

i see what i'm doing, i see who im hurting and i'm still not doing anything about it .
maybe its just a phase.. well if it is, i can't wait to get over it
i'm not healthy right now. this is not a well-being state of mind.
i'm losing everything, everyone, I'M LOSING IT. i am pushing away the ones i need most. my stupid pride is getting in the way of whats really important.
save me..

maxin relaxin

well today was completely uncalled for. i dont know why i broke down like that, never again will i show that type of weakness ! >:) this depression phase has got to stop. your mental health affects your physical health; that explains why i almost fainted this morning in choir ): this has gotten way too out of hand. since when did losing a couple friends mean my whole life is over ? whatever, "just get back up when it knocks you down" <3


hehehhe <3

i'm losing you and it's effortless.

everything is going wrong. i have no idea what to do at this point.

vent

person #1 : you're starting to annoy me. A LOT. you're so damn ignorant and stubborn. i wonder why im still putting up with you. you make me so mad that i want to cry, but i promised myself : no more crying over you. so i guess ill just bottle everything up until it overflows .

person #2: you do not know when to shut up, really. you try too hard. you're so obnoxious, its not even funny anymore. its funny how you say you have "trust issues" when you tell the whole damn world about your problems. i have gradually lost total trust in you, and its for the better. you were never to be trusted in the first place. fucking big mouth

hey dad

i'm writing to you not to tell you that i still hate you, just to ask you how you feel.. and how this fell apart, how we fell apart. are you happy out there in this great wide world? do you think about your past? do you miss your little girl?.. when you lay your head down, how do you sleep at night? do you even wonder if we're alright? but we're alright.. yeah, we're alright.
it's been a long hard road without you by my side. you broke my mother's heart, you broke your child in ways you never imagined . it's not okay, but we're alright.
and sometimes, i'll forgive.
and this time, i'll admit..
that i miss you .


------------

you pull me closer to love

(5:24:36 PM): There is so much I want to say,
but all I could do is hope for that chance.
Although there are many uncertanties,
I just have to find my way.

There are so many difficult situations.
But because of you, a smile is still meant to be.
You made me realize that love has no limitations,
and that there is much more than I could see.

Before I couldn't really understand.
But because of you, I'm able to learn.
Always hoping to create our happiness,
I feel there's nothing I can withstand.

To go through our life's experiences,
under any kind of circumstances.
There's so much I want to do.
It's just I wish it was with you.

Because of you, I could finally find myself again.
I try my best because it's you who keeps me going on.
Although there's nothing I can guarantee,
I just hope you know how much you mean to me.

^man. i wish i knew more people like you. you are simplicity at its boldest, rare to find these days .

aint he beastly? :') vvv

that's matthew goli. i really like his photographs, they have meanings that you have to actually think to comprehend . i heard you learn something new everyday, i wonder what i learned this sunday. wellll .whatever it was, it wasn't what i had hoped to know.

for the longest time i thought i was the question mark, turns out you were the mysterious one.

tick tock tick tock . why is the clock so loud? its like a booming unneccesary (wtf did i spell that right?) reminder of the so little time i have left. the months, they dont matter, it's the days i cant take. when the hours move to minutes, and now im seconds away. i've got 37 days, and i plan on making them count.

take me somewhere..

so i've been pacing around for the past few days, thinking about our conversation and what to do next.

i know you think this is will be better for the both of us, but i dont think it will.
i know you wont break my heart.
you know i won't break yours. lets give it a shot?

you know what. we're going to make this work.
this is not like other relationships.
WE'RE NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.
holding on, like its all i have. don't fail me now .

37 MORE DAYS